Lately I have been busy… really it’s been more than lately. It feels like months, even years, running on the treadmill of productivity and going nowhere fast. I have wasted time and energy performing. I have taken little time for myself. I have been stingy with my time not giving to the relationships that matter. It’s because I feel like I am constantly measured by what I do… so I try to do more.
My to-do list never includes rest, refresh, replenish.
The ‘more’ that I choose to do is not necessarily important or needful. If I have a ‘spare’ moment to sit and relax, I wonder what I could be doing instead. Checking Twitter, catching up on reading other people’s blogs, tidying up the house, answering emails? I feel guilty when I stop. When I am home I am distracted. Instead of getting together with family I feel the pull to stay home, finished a project, polish off the to-do list.
Who am I performing for? Maybe it’s the inner critic that says I can do better, I can do more.
I have believed a lie that more is more.
As I wrote in my journal about this today I felt Him say, “Some people measure you for what you do, but I do not. Be faithful in the little. Your value and worth come from me. People are more important that your to-do list. Guard your time with your husband and children.”
As I am reminded of truth, the lie loses it’s footing. It breaks down reveals what it truly is. A smoke screen that conceals God’s unconditional love for me.
There are things that need to be done, a home that needs tending, words to be written, a ministry that need’s building, but there is also a family that needs loving and momma that needs resting. I have talked about this before here and here but clearly the lesson bears repeating.
I can REST IN HIM. Intentional rest, seeking the Father rest.
It’s His grace that allows me to do this and it’s His hands that hold things together while I do.