How to Crush Comparison in Your Life


“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick

I hate the ugly game of comparison, yet more often than I would like to admit I find myself playing it.

As women, we have a tendency to size ourselves up, measure someone else by your own standards only to conclude after observation and the collection of a few facts that we’re inferior or superior to them. It’s awful. It keeps us from being our best selves and enjoying the life we’ve been given.

Whether we feel better or worse about ourselves after the comparison, it rarely leads to humility, which pleases God. Not only that, comparison robs us of joy and wastes precious energy that could otherwise be used to serve the people that in our life.

I have struggled most with body comparison. No matter what I eat and how much I run I am never going to look like the women in magazines. At my lowest weight, I still think my thighs are a little too big. Plus, I wouldn’t mind my boobs to be a little bit bigger.

I also have compared my social status with others. When I see friends on social media having “the time of their lives” vacationing or dining out together, I wonder if I’ll ever have relationships like they do.

Some of the other ways we compare ourselves includes:

  • How “put-together” you are - our home, meals, kids

  • Marriage – “I wish my husband sent me flowers for no reason.”

  • Stage of life - “If only my kids were bigger and out of diapers I could ______________.”

  • Money – “Must be nice.”

There are many benefits of not comparing ourselves with others. They include:

Excellence – You no longer waste your time thinking about someone else, which allows you to do YOU well. You spend your time and energy living out your values, following your dreams, and being who God created you to be.

Contentment  - You can enjoy the life and the people you have been given. There is peace that accompanies all you do because you are satisfied.  That’s doesn’t mean that your life is perfect; it just means that it is yours and you own it.

Humility – God can work with a humble heart. He can teach you, shape your character, and lead you in life.

Stability – Applying the truth of God’s Word to the measuring stick of comparison frees you of the whims of your emotions and insecurities.

For a while, I gave up going on social media assuming that was the problem. I stopped looking at fashion magazines and spent less time at the pool. I thought if only I weren't exposed to the ________________, I wanted to have, I wouldn’t feel so crumby. But that only worked for a little while.

Eliminating the trigger will not solve the problem, a heart change will. The key is to allow God’s truth, about who you are in Him, to sink deep down into our heart. Also, there are some bad habits we can break and as well new ones we can create. Both the spiritual and practical go hand in hand in eliminating the tendency to compare.

Here are some of the way we can crush comparison in our lives:

Speak to yourself. The Bible says to ”take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) This simply means that when you have a negative thought, you have a choice to entertain that thought or stop it in its tracks and replace it with truth.  Not just once or twice but every time those thoughts try to creep into your mind.

Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) You are a child of God and you are loved. It has nothing to do with what you accomplish, what you look like, who you know, or how much money you make.

Realize we all have different strengths and weaknesses. A personality test like Myers-Briggs or the Enneagram confirms that not everybody is the same. We are wired differently and have different strengths. Therefore we have different reciprocal weaknesses. Yes, you can work on your weakness, but it’s more important to lean into and steward your strengths.    

Seek out objective criteria that personally define success for you.  When you compare yourself to others, who are living out of their values, especially when they are different than yours, you are literally using different units of measure. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. What do success, community, and generosity look like for you? Does your life reflect your values?

Appreciate more. Express gratitude. Intentionally appreciate what you have and who you are. An excellent practice is to read scriptures on thanksgiving and write down 2-3 things that you are grateful for in a journal. Also, make a point to appreciate and cheer on the person you are tempted to compare yourself. I bet you they could use the encouragement.

Own Your Story (Romans 12:5-8 ) Don’t underestimate the value of the plot line God has given you and look for Him it.  Where has God stepped in to rescue and redeem you? Where has He been faithful? What have you learned from your ups and downs?

The steps above will help you fight comparison. As you do them over and over again, they will become habits that will add joy to your life and give you the energy you need to serve and encourage others in their journey.  

I have created a resource to equip you along the way. Powerful Scriptures to Crush Comparison is a free download!


For more on the topic listen to:

Slices of Life Podcast, Episode 43 How to Crush Comparison in Your Life

Elise Daly Parker, Noelle Rhodes, and I recently had a great conversation on the topic. We talked about the areas we get stuck and our experience in overcoming comparison. 

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