10 Simple Things You Can Do to Build Your Best Family

Yes, we are missing out on so much right now. Restaurants, parks, theatres, museums, as well as many other activities, are shut down. At first, it felt like a handful of snow days, something new, totally manageable, and even kind of fun. But now it’s dragging on.

Navigating all the family time can be tricky. However, if we choose to, we can use this as an opportunity to build our best family. 

I have discovered a handful of things that will have a significant impact on your family now during quarantine and in the future. These aren't parenting tips. They are better than that. They are 10 of the practices that businesses, organizations, and even families do to build a strong culture!

You don't have to do all of these. Implementing and following through on just a few of these will strengthen your family and bring you closer together. 

Here are 10 Simple Things You Can Do to Build Your Best Family:

1. Create routines and rhythms. The schedules we followed before the pandemic aren't relevant anymore. We can no longer count on them to make our days feel different and unique. 

It's time to go back to the drawing board and create new routines and rhythms for your family that includes your responsibilities, non-negotiables, and the things that matter to you. When you do this, you are taking ownership of your time, telling it what you want it to do for you. Deciding what you will do ahead of time prevents decision fatigue and eliminates making decisions out of emotion, exhaustion, or stress.

When you establish a routine, you get a clear picture of what's possible (grow spiritually, get your chores done, spend time with family, and connect with friends). But, you will also discover any unrealistic expectations you have yourself and what you can get done. 

2. Have fun together. When you're overwhelmed, the last thing you want to do is have fun. However, it may precisely be what you need to release your stress. Doing the things you enjoy not only benefits you personally but when you do them with your kids, it builds a healthy family. As you spend time together laughing and playing, you strengthen your relationships with one another.

3. Get everyone to pitch in. While everyone is home, there are more meals to cook, more dishes to clean, and more mess to clean up. So now is a fantastic time to have your children lend a hand. When we work together, we lighten the load that each of us carries. Plus, it says, "We are all in this together!"

Yes, I know it's faster and easier to do many of these yourself, but when kids pitch in, they learn about responsibility and build great habits for the future. They'll also discover that what they do matters, and the part they play in your family is essential. 

4. Get feedback. Now more than ever, it is essential to communicate well. Creating time and a safe space for family members to express their opinions and give insight builds confidence and boots morale. Not only that, but it also provides clear steps you can take immediately to grow individually and as a family. Ask questions like, "What's going well?" "What can we improve?" When you do this regularly you foster continuous improvement in your people.

5. Encourage each other. Your love language doesn't have to be Words of Affirmation to benefit from verbal encouragement. When you cheer your people in, they feel valued and seen. You also inspire people to show up. Encouragement is contagious. As you share it with others, they will share it with you too.

6. Host a family meeting. Regular check-ins improve communication and connection. It is essential in building culture because it allows you to see if you are spending your time and resources in a way that lines up with your family's values. You can review schedules, set goals, and solve problems. These meetings don't have to be all about "business," though, you can talk with your kids about how you'd like to spend time together and brainstorm new ways to have fun. Intentional conversations like these equip you to approach each week with a purpose.

7. Ask questions. These days we need more than the typical questions to get the conversation started. "How was school/work?" "What did you do today?" and "Did you have fun with your friends?" don't work anymore. Ask questions that encourage everyone to use their imaginations as well as "Get to Know You" questions that go more in-depth. The answers will become the narrative of your family culture. Plus, research shows that the more kids know their family members, the more self-esteem and confidence they have.

8. Decide what you want your family to be known for. A culture shaped by default tends to be mediocre because people, especially children, tend to take the path of least resistance. As parents, we get to decide what's important to us and how we want to live together as a family. 

Now is a great time to clarify your values and passions. Decide with your spouse what from your past you want to keep and what you want to leave behind. You can even get your kids involved in the conversation. 

9. Take care of yourself. Self-care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your family. When we do activities that refresh and recharge us, we are better spouses, parents, and leaders. How we take care of ourselves during this time may look different than before "stay home," but it's vital to our well being. 

10. Show gratitude. Showing appreciation for one another has the power to change a conversation, the atmosphere of your home, and your family. Gratitude is an antidote to anxiety because it shifts focus from what you don't have to what you do have. And as a result, it lifts your spirits. Practice it regularly.

You are likely not going "find the time" to put these practices into place. Instead, make an appointment with yourself or family members to follow through on them. Remember, you don't have to do all of them at once. Choose the ones that you are the most excited about or would make the most significant impact on your family and start there. 

Get the resource HERE!

Take advantage of this time to invest in your family in meaningful ways with my Family Culture Bundle. 

Get the tips, tricks, cheat sheets, and videos on how to implement the 10 Simple Things You Can Do to Build Your Best Family

Bundle includes:

• Routines and Rhythms Guide 

• Chore Lists 

• Ideas for Having Fun 

• Family Feedback Questions

• Conversation Starters

• Family Meeting Guide

...and much more!

For more on the 10 Things You'll Be Happy You Started When the Quarantine is Over check out this video on our Facebook Page.

It's Never to Late to Take Control of Your Family's Culture

Hands down the ideal time to start imagining, building, and creating your family's culture is when you first start your family. Then as time passes and you go through different seasons of life, it's crucial to revisit your values, beliefs, and practices that you have in your home. 

It's terrific to start building your family's culture early, but what if you haven't? 

We have older kids, and so do many of our friends. When we talk with them about their family and making changes, they often say, "I wish I knew about culture earlier, it's too late now." or "There's not much we can do now, our kids already in middle school (or high school)."

It doesn't matter what stage you are are in your family. You can begin to imagine, plan, and build your best family right now!

There are benefits to building your family culture when your kids are older.

• You can include them in the conversation. Kids are smarter than you think, and they get culture. Try naming a few family friends and ask the kids what comes to mind when you think of them. They will be able to tell you immediately. Follow up with the question, "What do you want our family to be known for?" They will often bring creative ideas to the table, things you'd never think of.

• Feedback from them on what's working and what's not working. Kids have the uncanny ability to be brutally honest. If they feel that their thoughts and opinions are valued, they will tell you like it is. An outside perspective will give you incredible insight into what is worth keeping in your every day and what you should get rid of.

We do this at our weekly Family Meeting each week - Once a week, we get together to discuss our family's schedule and let each other what is going on in our world. (Our Family Meeting Guide, which included discussion ideas and sample agendas is available as a free download HERE.)

---

So if you're tempted to say it's too late to take control of your family's culture, think again!

Older children are an incredible asset in building your family's culture.

Creating change when some in the family are set in their ways may be difficult at first. However, ask yourself, Why am I doing this? What is the value that this satisfies? Is this discomfort worth the result?  The answer is likely, yes!

Culture building is not a one and done deal. 

Even if you started earlier, you'd still have to revisit the values, beliefs, and practices that you have in your home. Do they still hold true? Do I need to make adjustments to navigate the different seasons of life? Is what I am doing still working? 

Here are a few easy steps to help you take control of your family's culture:

1. Assess your current reality. What is it that you enjoy or are already doing well? Lean into that. Does your family like to play games together? Do you enjoy camping and hiking together? Does volunteering bring your family closer together? Do more of it and invite friends to join you. Also, figure out what you don't love and do less of it, or stop doing it altogether. 

2. Imagine your future. What's one or two new things that you would like to see show up in your family? This could be a values practice or a cultural practice.

   You don't have to go crazy, reimagining your family life. Implementing one thing through small, consistent steps has a more significant impact than trying to do a gazillion things at once.

3. Reinforce your values. Be on the lookout for something your child or spouse does that aligns with your family values. Let them know you see it and you appreciate it. 

   For example: To reinforce the value of excellence, you could say, "Wow, you did a great job with that, thanks for taking care of that so quickly." OR if you want to start being on time, you could say, "It's so nice to be on time, isn't it?"

   And, when you do the things you enjoy, talk about why they are so fun and what you love about them.

   For example: After we travel, we talk about our favorite moments, what we would have done differently, and what we want to do next. It keeps us excited about what we shared but also allows us to imagine what we'll do together in the future.

   What you pay attention to and acknowledge will grow.

4. Start making your family decisions based on what matters to you. It’s so much easier to make decisions when you predetermine what's important to you. Ask yourself, “Does this choice line up with our family values and what we want to build together?”

If you feel overwhelmed, take a moment, close your eyes, and imagine what your life will be like one year from now if you start making changes today. Let that motivate you to take your first small step!

When you start making changes, no matter how small, you may be tempted to give up if you don’t see progress right away. Don’t do it. Be patient with the process.

An easy way to get started is to download the Family Culture Discussion sheet. In less than 30 minutes, you able to clarify what you want your family to be known for.

---

---

Prefer the ease of listening to reading?

No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project podcast >> It’s Never Too Late to Build Your Family’s Culture. Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.

Establishing a Culture of Faith in Your Home

I grew up going to church. My family attended service every week and occasionally I’d go to youth group. Our relationship with God extended past Sundays, and throughout the week my mom would incorporate prayer, Bible reading, and listening to worship music into our daily routine. Our conversations, whether about our day, finances, politics, or community, often included nuggets of truth from God’s Word.

Without knowing it, my parents created a culture in our home where our faith could grow.

We were far from the perfect Christian family. We had our shares of ups and downs, accompanied by sin, doubt, and ultimately redemption. I had front row seat to the miracles God performed but also to the mess of flawed individuals living together in a broken world.

As a high school and college student, there were times when I was tempted to leave the whole faith thing behind and do life my way. But there was something that held me back. I believe that it was not only the love of my Heavenly Father but the culture of faith in my home

Culture, no matter what values and beliefs its rooted in, is not a list of dos and don'ts. But instead, the essence of how a family relates to one another, works together, and achieves goals.

A strong family culture exists when you determine and walk out the values, beliefs, and customs or traditions you want to share with one another.

Through small consistent steps over time, you can create a culture of faith in your home that will grow your faith and the faith of your family.

Here are few steps help you establish a culture of faith in your home:

• Name it - Decide what you believe and what are the main principles you are passionate about passing down to your children. These are similar to your top five core values. Brand it - Make it exciting by putting words around what you believe. Create a mantra, mission statement, or manifesto.

• Model it - Intentionally put action around what you believe.

• Teach it - Teach it again and again. Culture continually putting words around what you believe. Talk repeatedly about what you believe and why it is meaningful to you.

• Systematize it - Create habits and behaviors that align with your beliefs. Evaluate them often and refine as needed.

• Celebrate it - Acknowledge the success each of you has, big or small, that is a result of the actions you’ve taken.

You can apply these steps to any value you want to incorporate into your life.

Just like my family, yours will not be perfect because you’ve followed these steps. However, over time you will create an environment in your home that allows your family’s faith to grow, which will ultimately anchor them to what matters to the most to you.

How You Can Embrace God’s Unique Mission for your Family

Have you ever thought, “Why doesn't my family look like hers?” Do you admire her house, her car, her incredibly talented children, or her husband’s high profile job? Are you tempted to wonder, “If I’d made different choices, would my life be better?”

It’s easy to look at the people we know and assume they have it all together. Or to envy another family’s path. But God has a unique purpose and mission for our family.

I am over at More to Be talking about how you can let go of discontent and regret and embrace God's unique mission for your family. Join me there to READ MORE!

When You and Your Friend Have Different Parenting Styles

---

I thought we had everything in common until we became parents.

I potty trained my kids before they were two years old. She waited until hers were three. I pushed my little ones around in a stroller, and she almost always wore hers in a sling. I prefer that my kids don’t eat processed food, but she feeds hers anything that’s easy.

In the beginning, the strain on our relationship was slight. But, as our kids got older, our differences became more apparent, and the tension between us grew.

It didn't take long for me to realize that one’s parenting style can wreak havoc on even the closest of friendships. That’s because the choices we make as parents are rooted in our values, character, and upbringing. As we incorporate them into our every day, they become apart of our family culture. So, it’s difficult not to take it personally when a friend makes a snarky comment about the fact that you just binge watched Parks and Recreation with our kids.

Attachment parents disagree with the free-range parents while strict moms seem to have nothing in common with the laid-back moms. Then there are spiritual and religious parents, parents that co-sleep and parents that sleep train. Chances are you can identify with one of these styles while a good friend embodies another.

Naturally, we gravitate towards people who are like-minded because they validate our own choices. However, we don’t have to believe our friend’s decisions are wrong to have confidence in our own.

Your differences don’t have to ruin your relationship!  

No matter how drastically different your methods are, keep in mind that you and your friend have the same intention, you’re both trying to be a good mom.

There are NO set rules for parenting. Your friend’s unique family culture is rooted in their values, passions, and experiences. Many times the choices they make are not theirs alone but shared by their spouse and chosen for a particular reason. As a friend, it’s your job to show respect for those choices.

There may be more to her story than you know. If your friend’s choices seem haphazard and inconsistent, it might be because parenting was nothing like she expected, she’s exhausted and doesn't have the patience to do things any other way. The best thing you can do is come alongside her and walk with her in struggles.

One of the best things you can do is offer your opinion only when asked. This applies to any relationship. Many times your friends aren’t looking for advice but instead, someone to listen.

Take it a step further and ask lots of questions. Many factors can go into why a person parents in a particular way. By learning more about why your friend chose their styles and methods, you’ll understand them better and as a result, deepen your relationship. Hopefully, you’ll come to respect that she does things her way, and you do things yours. You may also be challenged to take a look at your own choices and ask yourself why you made the specific decisions you did.

If all else fails, maybe it's time to get together without your kids. It will diffuse tension and remind you why you became friends in the first place. And if it's a new mom friend, this will give you the opportunity to discover whether the relationship is worth pursuing outside of school activities and playdates.

It took humility for me to get over the fact that my friend’s choices for her little ones were different than mine. I realized that if her parenting style made me angry or less confident in my own then maybe it was time for me to take a look at why I felt that way. Once I stopped thinking so much about myself, I became less offended and was able to enjoy our friendship.

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs many of us will ever have. Whether it's being a mother or being a friend, we can all use more encouragement and less judgment. So, let’s cheer each other on, so we can have the confidence in our friendship but also in our parenting styles, even if they are different.

---

This post was originally shared on Friending - a podcast about friendships. 

Episode 3 of Season 3 - “When You and Your Friend Don’t Parent the Same”

In this episode, Noelle Rhodes discusses what to do when you and a friend don’t parent the same. How do you navigate conflicting parenting styles and still preserve the friendship? This week’s guest is the amazing Clare Hooper along with me!

This is a good episode ... at times a little brutally honest... but a good one!

Subscribe to Friending in iTunes

What are Family Values and Why are The Important?

Knowing what you want your family to be known for is an important part of creating a thriving family culture. Another critical component is determining your values and living according to them. Much like culture, your values exist and are in operation in your life even if you haven’t taken the time to identify them.

When my husband and I first sat down to write out mission statement one of the first things we discussed was our values and passions. We identified which ones were important to us individually and then came together to decide which ones we would embrace together as a couple and a family. It was the first step to creating a sense of purpose for our lives and the lives of our children.

So, what are values?

If culture is the underlying personality or your organization or family, the essence of how people interact and work, then your values are the why of how you live and what you do.

As a couple, your shared values are a central part of who you are and what you envision your family to be.

Are few common core values are:

• Cooperation

• Faithfulness

• Hard Work

• Independence

• Artistic Expression

• Efficiency

• Integrity

It doesn’t matter what your values are, but that you have identified them applied them to your life. In the book Good to Great, Jim Collins says that “In examining companies who have achieved success both in profitability and culture, what mattered most was knowing exactly what their values are, building them explicitly into the organization, and preserving them over time.”

Why are values important?

Family values are the things that you believe are important in the way you work and live. << Click to Tweet

Your values will drive your behavior. For example, if you say that you value integrity it should show up in every area of your life. You’ll exercise that principle in everything you do, at work, at school, and in your relationships. If you are only faithful and honest when it is easy, then you don’t value integrity. No matter where you are, at work, home, school, in relationships, and on the sports field, these values are present.

Family values matter to children too!

As kids get older and increasingly independent, we won’t always be around to guide them in the choices they make. We can’t possibly prepare them for every scenario they come up against. So a list of do’s and don’t will fall short but an understanding of personal and family values will better equip them. They will be able to reach back to a family principle to make an informed and intelligent choice.  

When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life will be good. You have a sense of peace, are more fulfilled, and feel in control. That doesn’t mean that your circumstances are perfect. However, there is an undercurrent of satisfaction and contentment. The reciprocal is also true. When the life you’re living doesn’t align with your personal values, the surrounding culture, fads, and the opinions of others will influence your behavior. Things will feel off.

Also, when you do the work of knowing what you believe, when questioned, you’ll know what you stand for and why.

Why you should identify your values:

1. Knowing your values and intentionally honoring them in your life will give you a sense of purpose.  

2. In times of stress, crises, or transition you'll know how to respond, you won’t have to think. Your values will automatically guide you.

3. The better you know yourself and what you believe, the more you will be able to espouse that value. When you consider your values in decision-making, you can be sure to approach decisions with confidence and clarity.

4. A sense of purpose, rooted in your values, allows you to weather the hard times and navigate struggle.

---

Check out my post on How to Identify Your Values and Improve Your Life to download the free Core Values Kit that will walk you through the process I mentioned below.

---

Here are some simple steps you can take to identify the core values that will drive your family culture:

1. Pray Together Whether you are doing this exercise alone or with a spouse, the best place to start is prayer. God know us better than we know ourselves because he created us. Ask Him for guidance and to show you what you need to know for this process.

2. Answer the following questions individually: When are you most fulfilled and satisfied? When you're having your best day what characteristics are present in you? What are you passionate about?

3. For greater perspective, ask others what they think you value. Many times friends and family can see patterns in our life we haven’t noticed. Be open to their responses; they may be both affirming and challenging.

4. If you do this with your spouse, combine or condense the recurring themes and complementary ideas. There will be outliers on your list. Decide whether those ideas, personal to you or your spouse, are ones you can support and promote in your family. If so, talk about how they fit into the big picture.

5. With the information you have collected, identify the 5 to 7 values that are the most important to you together. A quick search on Google can help you find a list similar to the one I used. Select as many as you’d like. Remember, all of the values listed are good. However, it’s important to identify the ones that are most important to you. If you are having trouble, rate each value on a scale of 1 to 10, with ten being the highest. If you have two values that have the same rank, ask yourself, "If I could satisfy only one of these, which one would I choose?"

The list you end up with is your Core Values.

Once you have identified and articulated your values, you and your family will be able to move forward with confidence and become all that God created you to be.

Your personal values may change over time if the season of your family changes or you experience significant personal growth. This is why you should regularly revisit this process periodically, especially if you start to feel unbalanced and can't quite figure out why.

Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.

Who's Creating Your Family Culture?

Every family has a particular way they work together to solve problems, achieve goals, and connect with one another. Just like business culture, family culture is created by default, subject to the whims of its members, or through intentionality.

There was a time when our busy schedule created a culture of survival in our family. We would often say to one another, “Let’s just get through this week.” The culture of our home was frantic; we were always running late, always feeling restless. After we got through one week, there was still another to follow that wasn’t much different from the one before.

We wanted so much to live well but were stuck. We let our busyness dictate to us what kind of family we were. Our life looked like good ideas with no follow through and a full calendar of doing the right things but without fulfillment or connection with one another.

A thriving family culture does not happen organically, it will not create itself. << Click to Tweet

A culture shaped by default tends to be mediocre because people, especially children tend to take the path of least resistance. To create a successful culture in our home, as the parents, we’ll need to decide what it that we want our family to look like and consistently work hard to maintain it.  

When you intentionally create culture you set your people up for the highest probability of success. You give them a better chance to perform at higher levels. 

Instead of having a vague sense of purpose, children in a family with a healthy, well thought out culture have a strong sense of belonging. They also have the excitement of being a part of something bigger than themselves.

We’ve often heard the comment “Well, it is what it is. There is not much I can do to change things.” This statement is not true.  As parents, we have an incredible amount of influence in determining the type of life we live, and we leave that power on the table if we allow our family’s culture to be created organically, by default.

How do you cultivate the culture you want for your family?

The first step is assess where you are at. To determine “Am I creating my family’s culture or is it being creating for me?” You may already know the answer to that but if you don’t, this 10 Second Quiz that will help. 

---

10 Second Culture Quiz

Answer Yes or No to the following questions:

1. Our family seldom has time to spend together.

2. Our family has so many individual interests that it's hard for us to find things we have in common.

3. There are so many things that are important to me, but I don't have time to think about them, let alone include my family in them.

4. I feel powerless over my time and commitments.

5. Others often complain that our schedule doesn't allow enough time for them.

6. Time is flying by, and my children don't possess the kind of character I had hoped they would.

7. I often wonder if my kids/marriage/family will turn out okay.

8. Everyone is doing their own thing, and I often wonder how we can stay connected.

9. I sometimes feel like we are losing the battle against outside influences that don't reflect my values.

10. I am unsure about the legacy I will leave behind.

• 8-10 Answered Yes: What are you waiting for? It's time to take back control of your family!

• 5-7 Answered Yes: With just a few changes you could change the course of your family.

• 0-4 Answered Yes: Amazing! You are on the right track!

---

A healthy culture isn’t created overnight. It requires a daily investment of time but is definitely worth the effort. If we could do it then so can you!

Why Family Culture Matters and How You Can Start Cultivating Yours

A few years back my husband and I realized that our family life looked nothing like we imagined. We were overscheduled, disconnected, and burnt out from the busy. We knew for things to change we had slow down, re-establish our values, and identify the gap between what our life was like and what we hoped it would be. So decided to write a family mission statement.

It turned out to be a bit harder than I thought. While I found lots of information about why it was important, I couldn’t find much on how to do it. Eventually, I created a step by step process that my husband I followed and then shared on Circles of Faith. To get started we set aside a few hours, grabbed oversized sheets of paper, markers, pens, along with a cup a tea, and our Mission Statement Discussion Sheet. We talked about our passions, our values, and the things we wanted to accomplish.

After numerous discussions, we still didn’t have a polished paragraph that we felt was ready to share with the world. Something was missing. So I went back online and started to look into how well-known companies came up with their missions statements. When I did, I kept bumping into the concept of culture and why it was so crucial to a successful organization.

That’s what we were missing! A basic understanding of what we wanted the culture of our family to be.

So what is culture?

Culture is the heart of an organization and yes, even a family. According to Wikipedia, organizational culture is the “behavior of humans within an organization and the meaning that people attach to those behaviors.”

Culture is what organizations become known for.

For example, Patagonia is known for their passion for the planet, Google for employee perks and stimulating work environment, and Chipotle for their simple and healthy food with integrity.

What does culture have to do with families?

A family culture is the norms, values, beliefs, and customs of people that are passed down from generation to generation.

Just as in business, family culture refers to how a family relates to one another, works together, and achieves goals. Family culture is the DNA of a family. It’s the what of, “That’s just the way we do things.” Just like a fingerprint, it's what makes your family unique.

Why is culture important?

Research shows that family culture plays an even more influential role in shaping a child than parenting styles do.

It is not a question of whether or not family culture exists but whether or not you control it. << Click to Tweet

In the workplace, healthy culture retains employees. In a family, healthy culture maintains engagement and promotes belonging. Through ups and downs, your family culture will tether you and your children to your values and one another.

What people want in their workplace is the same as what members want in their family. To be a part of a winning team, something that works. To contribute to visible, tangible results and to feel the excitement of being a part of something bigger than themselves. An intentionally created culture within a family provides that.

Next Steps

For my husband and I to have a mission statement that truly represented what our family could and should be, we had to determine what kind of culture we wanted.

Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to listen to this episode of The Family Culture Project.

---

---

If you are interested doing the same here's our suggestion:

1. Set aside dedicated time with your spouse.

2. Gather pen and paper for taking notes from your conversation.

3. Reflect on your past together. Talk about your favorite memories growing up and where you spen most of your time as a child. Was it at home or a friend’s? Why? Recognize the sights, sounds, and smells represent HOME.

4. Consider what others are doing and how it impacts you. When we go to their homes, what makes us feel welcome? What can you always count on when you’re with them?

5. Determine what you want you family to be known for. There are things that you as a couple or a family are already building into your culture. Decide whether they are things you’d like to maintain or change.

6. Brainstorm about what that means practically for your family. You might have to make changes to your schedule to accommodate the things that matter most to you. Implementing your cultural ideas may also mean changing the way you spend money are well as what you say yes and no to.

In addition to our values and core passions, these answers became the raw material of our mission statement. Just like a business, ministry, or organization, our mission statement, when adhered to would produce the culture we desired.

---

Want to start cultivating your family's culture? 

Download this free Family Culture Discussion Sheet. It includes questions that will allow you to explore who you are as a family and challenge you to dream about what you could be together.

Harnessing the Power of Peer Reviews for Your Next Family Retreat

My husband works for a company that does peer reviews. In addition to an annual performance review from managers and supervisors, my husband receives an assessment of interpersonal skills from his peers.

Together the two give him a combined perspective of what managers and peers think about his teamwork, communication, and leadership potential. It is intended to create balance among different points of view. Without input from other people, it’s hard to tell if you’re succeeding, or how you can improve. Knowing this is such an incredible tool in the workplace, I wondered if it was something that would be useful in our home.

I was curious about what my children thought of my husband and me as parents. Is there something that they need from us that we are not providing? Not in material things but love, grace, or affection? Each child is wired differently and pocesses a unique personality. They have various love languages, so even though we think we might be loving them well, they may not think so.

I also questioned what they thought about each other. When I am not around, are my kids treating each other well? Does their behavior reflect our family’s mission or values?

I love team building activities and personal development, so the thought of discussing these things made me giddy. Conversations like this don't just happen on their own, so I knew we’d need to set a time and create an environment where our kids felt safe to share. It would require intention and focus from all of us. So I planned a family retreat.

---

Are you interested in hosting your own retreat?

We’ve taken the guesswork out planning yours by creating the Family Retreat Packet. It’s guaranteed to save you time!

Our Family Retreat Packet includes:

• Sample Itinerary

• Packing List

• Activity Suggestions

• Discussions Worksheets

• and much more! 

---

How I prepared:

>>Designed a family version of a 360 Peer Review

I created packets for each of us that included questions about themselves, our family as whole, and individual members.

>>Booked a hotel

We found a great deal on Groupon for a two-day, two-night hotel stay. It was located only 20 minutes from our home, close to restaurants and shopping, and had a pool.

>>We packed the usual stuff plus:

Discussion sheets

Pens and pencils

A board game

Playing cards

Bathing suits

Picnic blanket

Water bottles and snacks

What we did:

>>Alternate family building discussions with activities and special treats

The first evening we went to dinner, filled out one of the questionnaires and discussed. Then we checked into the hotel, went swimming, and played a board game. In the morning, we filled out another survey and found a local park to share our answers. Eventually, we needed a break, so we played a game and then some talked more. Afterward, we went to Starbucks for Frappuccinos, followed by more swimming, more discussion, dinner, and mini-golf.

We had our fair share of squabbles but for the most part, our time together was wonderful. The kids were excited about our weekend mostly because we were staying in a hotel and there was a pool. Our children also enjoyed having our undivided attention.

What Would I Do Different:

>>Keep discussions to 30/45 minutes

I was overly optimistic about my children’s attention span. The kids were thrilled to fill out the questionnaires but lost focus ¾ of the way through our discussions. I knew well enough to break up talking together with activities. However, the pace of our discussions mattered too. Instead of each family member discussing what they thought about each other in depth, we instituted a lightning round. I read a question, and we took turns quickly answering them, occasionally citing examples to explain.

>>Research restaurants and activities in the area

Thanks to technology and phone apps we managed to find local restaurants in the area we liked but selecting them beforehand would have saved time. We found a park to hang out in, play ball, and talk, but not until after driving around for a while. Also, planning an excursion such as biking, hiking, canoeing, or geocaching would have been fun and enabled us to cross something off our summer bucket list.

>>Create a schedule and stick to it

As I mentioned above, I loosely knew what I wanted to do, but that wasn’t enough. Designating pockets of time for both discussions and activities would have helped me see just how much time we needed for the retreat. As a family of five, we had a lot to talk about. We got off to a late start that first day, and it prevented us from finishing everything we wanted to do.

Next Steps

>>Organize the data

I expected most of the feedback we heard. We saw consistent ways in which everyone wanted our family to improve: bickering less and not being late all the time. (Yikes!) The kids seem to love the same things: spending time with us and each other (Yeah!). We were also surprised by what they wanted from us, “Push me to learn and manage my time better.” “Be more strict [to help me meet my goals].” and “Tell me to practice more.”

Hubby and I plan to review the assessments and organize it in a way that will be useful and not forgotten. Once we find the common threads in the responses, we will develop a plan for where improvement is needed and continue to sow into the areas where we are doing well.  

>>Follow-up

In six months we plan to have one-on-one “dates” with our each of our kids to check in and see how things are going? Are we still struggling as a family to get along, to be on time? Are mommy and daddy stepping up in the areas they’d like us to? How are they doing developing the character traits we discussed?

>>Save the date for the 2017 Family Retreat

This was a positive experience for all of us. We had a ton of fun together, but most importantly each of us was given a voice to express what often goes unsaid. Our family did not radically change overnight, but we are making little changer over time. The key to this family retreat having a lasting impact on our family is continuing these conversations through the year and follow up.

I’d love to hear if you have family retreats or if you have discovered another way to guide your family towards its mission and vision.

---

For more on the topics listen to…

Carl and I sat down to talk about our family retreat on The Family Culture Project. We discussed:

• What a Family Retreat is and why we are so excited about this topic

• The benefits of having these retreats

• How you can plan a retreat of your own

---

Family Mission Statement and Purpose

One of my favorite things to talk about is living intentionally. Early in our marriage, my husband and I talked about the wonderful ideals we had for our family. We wanted a family that loves and serves God together, a welcoming home, and a life that prioritized relationships. Years later we found ourselves in a rut of just surviving, getting through one week after the next.

The best thing we did as a family to change that was to create a family mission statement and seek God for His purpose for our lives. We still go through seasons when we busy gets the best of us but when we recognize it we go back to our mission and purpose to reset.

We believe that God has a unique purpose for our little ones too and they don’t have to wait until they are grown-ups to figure out what it is!

I am over at Faith Gateway talking about what that looks like for us to include out kids in our family mission and purpose. I am also sharing some great resources have helped us along the way. Join me over there to read more...