The Secret to Making Your Holidays More Meaningful with Becky Kiser and Sacred Holidays

The holidays don’t have to be stressful! Your family can celebrate them with thoughtfulness and intention! << Click to Tweet

This new book from Becky Kiser called Sacred Holidays: Less Chaos, More Jesus is a game changer for me. I really do love the holidays, all of them. However I typically get stuck in the ugly cycle of being too busy, not preparing for the holiday, making a mad dash to save the day, and then feeling crummy because it didn’t meet my expectation. It’s the worst when Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, or my child’s birthday did not match the picture I have in my head of what it SHOULD be. Yikes!

I want 2019 to be the year I break out of that cycle. This doesn’t mean that every holiday form here on out will be perfect but that they would be approached with intention and on purpose.

What I love about Becky’s book is that she make it easy to achieve that. It’s part soul encouraging and part resource that walks you through the steps you can take to simplify and bring meaning back to your holiday experience.

She touches on what to consider when planning and decorating for each holiday, how to manage friends and family who do things differently than you, and why grace matters in the process of figuring our what works for you and your family.

I had the pleasure of speaking with Becky on The Family Culture Project Podcast about her new book and how we approach our holidays with intention. Check it out!

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.

Incorporating Your Passions into Your Everyday

We are all passionate about something, but few of us can say that those passions are a part of our lives. Long work hours, a new addition to the family, or busyness may cause us to feel like it’s impossible to follow our passions. However, with careful thought and intention, you can incorporate them into your life.

When I first started working with my life coach, I thought I was way too busy to pursue the things that were important to me. I had a long list of reasons why I wasn’t writing more, connecting with my husband regularly, or deepening my friendships. I assumed I had a time issue. But what I had was a priority issue. 

I said over and over that these things mattered to me; however, they weren’t showing up in my schedule. 

When I made a list of my non-negotiables, my values, what I was passionate about, and the things I wanted my family to be known for, I had a clear picture of how I wanted to use my time. These things became appointments in my day, not just for when it was easy, or when I had extra time or money. It took a bit of practice, but eventually, I started to live the life I wanted. 

It's possible to change your life and the life of your family through small, consistent steps over time; steps the take you in the direction of the family we were meant to be. << Click to Tweet

3 Examples

When I first started to take back control of my time, I wanted to connect more with my kids, and reading seemed like the best way to do that. However, when my kids got older, our bedtime routine changed. We no longer read board books together before I tucked them in. Hoping it would happen organically didn't work. The solution was to put it on my schedule. So I:

• Pick one book with each kid.

• Chose one night a week to read with a child.

• Put it on my calendar and stick to it, even if I have to move things around to make it work

Carl and I are passionate about having people in our home. We want to be the place where family members, neighbors, and especially our kids and their friends want to be. A place where they would come and feel nourished - spirit, soul, and body. This type of atmosphere built with intention. We decided to do that we would: 

• Say yes when our kids ask to have friends over.

• Budget money for extra food playdates.

• Purchase outdoor and indoor games that would provide hours of fun, such as a badminton set, Foosball table, Rummikub, and Uno

• Keep a tidy house, always ready for impromptu get-togethers.

My husband and I are also passionate about travel and exposing our kids to experiences that would allow them to learn in creative ways. To make that a reality in our life, we had to:

• Decide what travel looks like for us in this season. Maybe it’s one big vacation and two long weekends a year, with a few day trips sprinkled in between.

• Budget money so that we could take the trips we wanted. Also, be creative with where we stay, how we get there, and what we do so that we can afford it.

• Say no to things that would prevent us from saving money for those trips.

• Plan ahead. Be proactive instead of reactive, not waiting until we are exhausted and need a break to get away.

Just like you can turn your values into practices, you can turn your passions into practice too!

Here’s how:

1. Create a list of the things you are passionate about. If you need some help discovering what those things are, READ THIS or download The Family Culture Discussion sheet.

2. Envision what your life would look like if you were following your passions and living your best life.

3. Brainstorm about what that means practically for your family. What might you have to say no to say yes to what matters to you? What are the small steps you can take to follow your passions? Where can you schedule your non-negotiables? 

Making what matters to you most a part of your life takes practice. Old habits need to be broken, and new ones made. I have found keeping a list of my non-negotiables, my values, my passions, and what I want my family to be known handy so I can check it often when making plans for my week, month, and year. 

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Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project. 

How to Listen Well

Most of us have had the unfortunate experience of talking to someone that is clearly not listening. The person you are speaking with may be nodding their head, but mentally they are somewhere else. Despite our attempts to justify our friend’s preoccupation or lack of interest it still hurts.

Not only have I talked with people who are bad listeners but I I have been one as well. Sometimes I get distracted. I may think I’m listening to the other person, but I’m not giving them my full attention. This happens especially in the evening with my family when I am trying to get dinner ready or am tidying the house. Other times, when I am with friends I’ve let my phone, other people in the room, or what I am going to say next prevent me from paying attention.

What does it look like to listen to one another in a way that makes us feel heard and fully seen?

Obviously being present is not enough. A good listener listens with their heart, their eyes, and their body language. When they do, others feel safe and can relax and share honestly. This is a tremendous gift we can give each other.

I first heard about active listening in March of 2016 at the Circles of Faith event we hosted called Your Story, Your Influence. The purpose of the event was to walk the attendees through discovering and telling their stories. To equip us for the process, Susanne Ciancio spoke about the difference between terrible listening and good listening and how we can listen well to others.

Here’s what I learned:

Examples of bad listening:

Interrupting -  This is the worse communication habit ever. When we interrupt people, we are telling them the conversation is all about us. Don’t be fooled by thinking, “I just have to say this now, or I'll forget.” If it’s essential to the conversation, you’ll remember it later.

Advising - Unsolicited advice is a relationship killer. Sometimes people just want to express their frustrations or feelings, but we’re quick to jump in to fix it. Wait to be asked before you give advice. The person you are speaking with will be much more appreciative of your wisdom when you do.

Over relating - It makes us feel connected when we can relate to a friend’s story, however highjacking the conversation to let them know you know exactly what they are talking about is rude. It’s okay to wait until they are done speaking to tell them you’ve had a similar experience.

Anticipating - Instead of listening we may be formulating our next sentence, rebuttal, or response. Thinking about what you're going to say next prevents us from being in tune with the other person because in our mind we have shifted the focus off them and onto us.

Ways to listen well:

Give eye contact. This might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s worth doing. When you keep eye contact with the person, who is talking it indicates that you are focused and paying attention. If possible, don’t look over their shoulder to see what else is going on around you.

Use body posture. Sit up straight, with your shoulders squared to the speaker. Lean into the conversation when needed.

Make facial expressions. Nod occasionally and smile. Mirroring the different expressions of the speaker shows sympathy and empathy in more emotional situations.

Eliminate distractions. Put phones, books, and iPads away when talking with someone. Social media and texts can wait.

Once you’re done listening, you can ask questions to further the conversation.

Examples of active listening questions are:

“Can you tell me more about…”

“I heard you say....could you tell me more?”

“What struck me about your story was…”

“How did you come out of that?”  

Keep in mind, most conversations with a co-worker, friend, or family member requires social skills. It’s meant to be a back and forth exchange.

Even though these steps may be obvious, for many, myself included, they are often forgotten. However, with a bit of intentionality and practice, these practices will become second hand. The people in our life will no longer wonder if we are paying attention or care about what matters to them.

Listening well is the way we can make others feel heard and fully seen.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 62 Susanne Ciancio on How to be a Good Listener

Join Elise Daly Parker and I as we talk with Licensed Professional Christian Counselor, Susanne Ciancio about the difference between listening and hearing and how we can better listen to the people in our lives.

How to Overcome the Fear of Doing Something New

I am working on a new project.

It’s something that has been on my mind for over a year now. I have spent time on it here and there but am nowhere near where I should be on its progress.  At one point I had a detailed plan on how I was going to complete it but failed to follow it when I got “busy.” Then summer came, and it was pushed even further down my priority list.

I said things like, “I’m still doing research.” and “I’m thinking through a few new ideas” and “I don’t have time to give it my full attention but when I do…” I thought these were excellent explanations as to why I didn't see progress, but let’s face it; I was procrastinating.

Procrastination is nothing more than fear.

Setting aside this project this summer to spend quality time with my kids is legit, but when I was honest with myself, I realized that I simply enjoy doing things I know I can do well. This new project is new territory and will push me out of my comfort zone. I’ve let fear keep me from taking necessary steps towards the unknown.

The two common fears that others and I face are:

Fear of Failure

Many of us fear we will not live up to the expectations of others. Whether it’s a boss, family member, or friend, we don’t want to let them down. Worse than that is the dread of not living up to the expectations of ourselves. We wonder, “Do I have what it takes to do this?” “What if there is a gap between what I hope it will be versus what it becomes? If so, what does that say about me?”

Fear of Success

While success is great, it brings with it new responsibilities. We tend to worry whether we can sustain that success. It may require time or effort that we don’t have or are willing to give. Accomplishments are also accompanied by new expectations from others and ourselves. Thoughts such as, “Do I have what it takes to it again?” and “What if I’m not worthy of the success I’ve achieved?” keep us from moving forward.

When we move out of our comfort zone, and we’ll experience the thrill of expanding our limits.

Here are a few things that will help:

·      Journal your fears. Write about your fear and its origin. Spend time to uncover what terrifies you and record it. Reflect on how it has held you back in the past. Often when we write things down or talk about them with a friend, they lose their power. Plus, once you get specific, you can effectively address them in prayer.

·      Counter fearful thoughts. Trusting in God is our ultimate remedy for fear. When you hear thoughts such as “You’re not enough.” and “It won’t turn out as great as you imagine.”, stop them in their tracks and choose to think something else. Read, speak, memorize, and often refer to the promises of the Bible and receive them as personal pledges from God. You can download these Powerful Scriptures to Combat Fear to get started.

·      Create small goals. My friend Kimberly Coyle says “Peace rarely descends like a dove. Instead it is practiced through small acts of courage which put fear in its rightful place.” Instead of tackling your fear all at one time, take small steps towards overcoming it and achieving your goal.

·      Tell people what you are doing. Share your fear with a friend and announce what you are going to do about it. When you included others, they can provide encouragement and accountability.

Don’t be fooled into thinking “That’s just the way I am.” or “This is the way I am wired.” No matter what your Myers Briggs or Enneagram type, fear should never drive your decisions for yourself, your family, and your future. Be willing to dig into the root of fear so that you can overcome it.

Over the next few weeks, here on the blog and social media, I will be giving you a sneak peek into what I am working on. Saying yes to this project has meant tackling my fears and making some changes to the things I am already doing. Stay tuned; I am so excited to share more details with you soon!

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DOWNLOAD SCRIPTURES TO COMBAT FEAR

Face your fears with the Word of God. Download this FREE sheet called Powerful Scriptures to Combat Fear

Sand me Powerful Scriptures to Combat Fear!

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 61 Facing Your Fears

Join Elise Daly Parker, Kimberly Coyle and I as we share our experience with fear and a few tips on how to move out of your comfort zone and expand your boundaries.

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Additional Posts:

• Wrestling, Fear, and Faith - An Experience with the Read it Pray it Cards
• Practicing Peace in the Face of Fear by Kimberly Coyle 

How Specificity Can Improve Your Life

Have you ever set a goal that you didn't reach?

Do you want to change something in your life but can't seem to make it happen? Do even your best attempts get mediocre results?

One of the most common but overlooked pitfalls in losing weight, starting a business, or achieving goals is not being specific about what you want and lacking a detailed plan on how you will get there.

Back in 2012, I ran a half marathon. When I signed up, I barely called myself a runner, so the thought of running 13.1 miles seemed crazy. I downloaded the Runner's World app and plugged in my race date. It created a detailed training plan of how often and far I had to run. If I wanted to finish that race, I had to follow that plan. I couldn't just run occasionally and for random distances. 

Running that race was possible because I set a concrete goal and followed a particular plan.

Setting specific goals doesn't just apply to fitness. It can benefit all areas of life.

Here are some categories specificity will improve your life.

• Faith - Well-defined prayer leads to a well-defined faith. When I am specific in my prayers, I can be more attuned to when God shows up and answers them. What are you praying for? Be specific. Who, what, when, where? What promises in the Word of God are you applying to your situation?

• Life - When taking on projects every day, I like to start with SMART goals. The acronym SMART stands for: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. For example, one project that has been on my to-do list for a long time is organizing my photos so I can put them into albums. I love taking pictures, but many go unseen because they stay on my computer. I want to curate a "yearbook" and give each of my kids a copy. While it's a big project, I know that once I complete it, future years will be easy to create. I will likely not "find time" to work on it, so I'll need to decide when I want it done, how often I will work on it, and how often to accomplish this.

• Community - After transitioning to a stay-at-home mom and moving to the burbs, I became lonely because I no longer had a "crew." Once I determined what kind of friends I wanted, I could find them. Not only that, but once I identified what I was looking for, I could appreciate the relationships I already had. Who are the people I want in my life? Other writers, other moms, other women of faith? How do I get those people in my life?

Being specific in these areas of your life does not mean that you have to be rigid. You can still be flexible or spontaneous within your particular ideas. However, knowing precisely what you want and having a plan to achieve it increases the likelihood of success and eliminates emotional decision-making throughout the process.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself that will lead you to achieve your goals.

1. What is the goal? Don't be afraid to sit with this and consider what you need or want. Keep it simple and check that it is rooted in your values.

2. How do you know when you have achieved it? When a goal is measurable, there's less guesswork involved in reaching it. When a plan is defined, you can track your progress. You will be motivated to keep going as you advance towards your goal.

3. What's the plan? Small, simple steps taken over time will take you further than a handful of big ones. Set dates and be realistic about the time it will take.

4. How will you celebrate? Don't let your achievements, answers to prayer, or the growth you've experienced go unnoticed.

Start with one or two goals, and you can add more as you progress in those through consistency.

You can achieve your goals in your faith, life, and community when you get specific about what you want.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 59 How Specificity Improves Your Life

Join Elise Daly Parker, Kimberly Coyle and I as we examine why we often get mediocre results and give you some questions you can ask yourself to get you moving in the right direction.

What I've Learned This Summer

In May I wrote the post How to Make the Most of Summer. It was a list of dos and don'ts to help myself, and others shed the unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves. We did a podcast on it too.

I took it a step further a wrote a letter to my summer self to remind me of both the joys and the pitfalls of working from home when my kiddos are off from school. The letter was about balancing work and home plus record what I learned about myself in the previous season to equip myself for the new one.

In the podcast The Next Right Thing, Emily P. Freeman shares the importance of recording what we’ve learned. She says it’s a grounding practice that keeps us present in our lives and causes us to pay attention.

I have found this to be true! I am just beginning in this exercise, but I have already seen the fruit of it this past summer. Although mine was a letter and not a list, I checked it frequently to center myself when I felt I was lost in the hustle.

Now that the summer is over I am pausing to reflect on the past few months before I head into future.

Here are a few things I learned this summer:

1. You get less work done than you think you will.

Thankfully I recorded a handful of podcast episodes and wrote a few posts before school let out. Even though I set aside early morning hours to do work I was always interrupted.

2. I’m prone to distraction when I am home.

Even though I am physically present, many times, I am anticipating what comes next, or figuring how I am going to find a chance to do more on my to-do list. Those distractions go away when I am at the park, the pool, or a friend’s house which allows me to enjoy my kids fully.

3. I get car sick in the RV.

I counted on the 9-hour drive to Quebec to get some writing done. It didn't take long for me to quickly realize this was a bad idea. Movies, audio books, card games were okay, anything on a computer is a no go.

4. Working in the cracks doesn't work (at least for me.)

If I have to get something done, I am better off going to the library or Starbucks. I get more done in one hour in a coffee shop than I do at home. When I’m home, my kids confuse et my presence with availability too.

5. I miss my kids when they are gone.

My kids went to sleepaway camp for the first time. The length of time and who went varied. I was surprised how much different this was then sending them all to their grandparents for a week.

6. I love playing Tennis.

Our pool membership comes with access to Tennis courts and this year I was determined to make the most of my membership by actually playing. I managed to play a handful of times over the summer and have now signed up for a few lessons this fall. The best was making new friends that share my interest in the sport.

I look forward to doing this at the end of every season. I have no doubt that it will help me usher in the future with enthusiasm and intention.

Join me on Instagram for more lessons learned!

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 56 Lessons We've Learned this Summer

Join my co-hosts Elise, Noelle, Kimberly, and myself as we kick off season 3 with this follow up episode to see how each one of us did and discuss what worked and didn’t work for us over the last few months. Plus we’ll share a few of the things we learned about ourselves along the way.

How I Overcame My Fear To Make New Friends

I found this post in the archives and thought it was worth a reboot. I often have to remind myself that making friends doesn't have to be hard, however, it does take time and intention. Choosing to risk rejection for the sake of building community and finding your people, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, is worth it. 

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The first week of Pre-K was a little overwhelming. On that first day there we so many new faces. My daughter didn’t know the other kids; I didn’t know the other moms. You could tell by looking in my little girl's eyes that she felt out of place, and so did I. Emotions were raw. I was excited for her, but at the same time, the feelings I had when I was the new girl in high school rose to the surface.

I felt uncomfortable around the moms and caregivers that already knew each other. I wanted to cry. 

We had lived in our small town for a little over four years, but I hadn't had the chance to meet many people yet. I’d had my hands full with my daughter (4), a toddler (2) and a newborn. The few friends I had, lived in other towns so I wouldn’t be seeing them on the playground. I was lonely. 

My husband gave me pep talks about how important it was to socialize our daughter. He said once she made some connections, she would feel more comfortable at school. I knew he was right but what he was encouraging me to do was scary. 

It would have been so easy to hide, to stay to myself, to not risk the rejection but I craved community both for my daughter and myself.

It took everything within me, plus trusting in God, to step out of my comfort zone. I made up a set of mommy cards with my contact information and invited others to come over for lunch or to meet us at the park. I even brought meals to two other moms that had just had a baby. None of this came easy, but the desire for my daughter to make friends trumped the fear of putting myself out there.

How was I going to encourage my little girl to make new friends on the playground if I wasn’t willing to do it myself?

Telling our kids it’s easy to make friends isn’t worth a hill of beans if we don’t model it for them. << TWEET THIS

By the end of the year, I had worked my way through the entire class list, one by one, connecting with each family. Ava had at least one play date with every child in her class, even the boys. Looking back I can see where I was a little over zealous, but it was exactly what was needed to overcome my fears. It didn’t take long to become a part of our community. I was able to get to know many of the moms, the caregivers, and the kids.

I committed to making friends. I determined not to hide.

Fast forward five years and I am still friends with many of the women I met that year. Some of them are now dear friends who I can count on for anything. Those women I was nervous about making meals for, they are some of my favorite people to spend time with, and their little boys have become best buds with my son. While every friendship has not “stuck” and it’s hurt to watch families move away I am grateful for the risks I took.

There will always be new class lists, new people to meet and new risks to take but I have learned not to hide as I model community in my home, to my children and others around me.

How can you come out of hiding and connect with community?

4 Things Your Middle Schooler Needs to Know About Friendship

Friendships can be life-giving. But they can also be hard, confusing, and stressful. Just ask any middle schooler, and they'll tell you.

My daughter started having friendship problems in 4th grade. Neither my daughter or I saw it coming. The friendships she’s had since she was four starting falling apart. The girls became yo-yos, friends one day and rivals the next. It was heartbreaking. I encouraged my little girl, but nothing I said seemed to stop the tears or stomach aches caused by anxiety. 

Up until this point, I had taught her many things, like how to ride a bike, clean her room, and set the dinner table, but I hadn’t taught her what she needed to know to find good friends and maintain healthy relationships. In part because I didn’t think I had to, and also because I wasn’t sure myself. 

I struggled with my confusion about friendships. I didn’t understand why some lasted while others didn’t. I couldn’t figure out how to make new friends or deepen the relationships I already had. That was until I discovered...

 There is more to friendship than pure chemistry or the lack thereof. << Tweet This

I stopped telling my daughter that things would be ok if she would just be nice to the girls who snubbed her. To wait things out, because I was sure things would get better. 

Instead, I taught her some principles of friendship that gave her the confidence to set boundaries and ultimately find her people. 

Over time she learned:

1. It’s okay to have more than one friend group. Your friends who share your love of reading may be in your book club, but that doesn't mean you have to sit at their lunch table. And the girls you play soccer with, the ones who always have your back on the field, you may never go to their house for a play date. And that's ok. 
2. All friends are not created equal. One friend doesn't need to be your everything, Just like a potluck dinner. If everybody brought the same dish to the party, the meal would be lousy. Different friends, with their various backgrounds and interests, meet different relational needs. They also bring variety to your life. If you expect everybody to look, dress, and act the same, life will be boring.
3. When a friend disses you, many times, it has little to do with you. Most middle school kids are insecure. Many times they don't understand their value and worth, so they look to others to give it to them. It’s no surprise when they gravitate towards the person in their squad that affirms them and their choices, be it good or bad. 
4. Proximity is the glue that holds many relationships together. Out of sight out of mind hurts but rarely is it a reflection on you. If you have a friend that you like but don't share a class with any more, you will have to be intentional to maintain that relationship. 

Equipped with this knowledge, she can be herself around her peers. She is free to focus on being the kind of friend she wants to be rather worry about who may or may not like her. 

My daughter's friends may change many times over the next few years but the principles of friendship will not. I hope she remembers them throughout the middle school years and beyond. 

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Fore More on this topic listen to:

Friending Podcast, Episode 31 Helping Your Kids With Friendship.

Helping your kids with friendship can get sticky. You don't want your child to be the odd one out but you want them to be able to make friends on their own. How do we set them up to be good friends? How much do we get involved?

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This post 4 Things Your Middle Schooler Needs to Know About Friendship was originally shared on the Friending Podcast, Episode 31 Helping Your Kids With Friendship.

Creative Ways to Pray

We may not like to admit it, but prayer can sometimes feel like a chore. We’re tired, we’re busy, and it feels like just one more thing to add to our list. And, If are we are praying with any kind of consistency it can become boring if we do it the same way, with the same words every day.

Let me assure you; you don’t have to feel guilty about this. Every relationship needs intention and creativity to stay fresh our prayer life, and relationship with God is no different.

I used to believe that my prayer time needed to look a certain way for God to be happy. As a result, my relationship with God was like a roller coaster with the ups and downs of pride when I was getting “it right” and guilt when I wasn’t.

God is more concerned having a relationship with us than how many minutes we pray or the exact words we use.

I love routine but often crave change. I know this about myself, so when I designated “Time with God” as one of my non-negotiables, I knew that if I wanted to be consistent, I’d have to seek creative ways to do this.

Instead of getting stuck with a formula I often do a combination of these:

• Record specific ongoing prayer requests in a dedicated notebook. Each need gets one page followed by any scriptures that support what I am praying for. I write a date, so I know when I first started praying for it.
• Designate different days of the week to pray for various topics such as family, friends, ministry, community needs, and our government.
• Create and read affirmations that are rooted in scripture and truth. I created a few about body image that you can download HERE.
• Rotate through study and devotional apps such as She Reads Truth, If Gathering, and First 5 from Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Here are a few things that have been a staple in my prayer life over time.

The Power of a Praying Parent and The Power of a Praying Wife,

These books have been instrumental books in teaching me about prayer. Divided by topic, each chapter shares the importance of praying in a particular area. It provides specific prayers, which are each tied to biblical promises including their scripture references. Over the years, this book has helped me stay consistent in prayer. When my little ones were young, and life was overwhelming, I knew I could open the book, select a theme, and pray it through in less than 5 minutes.

Read it Pray it Cards

When my kids were little, and I had very little time or energy to have a consistent prayer time I would find a scripture that addressed my most pressing issue and wrote it on an index card. On the back of the card, I turned the verse into a prayer. I kept it in my back pocket and pulled it out whenever I had a moment to spare or needed encouragement. Eventually, I created a set from my kids. Some of the topics included are Anger, Obedience, Thankfulness, Words, Fear, Kindness. They are free HERE as a download. More topics are available in my Etsy shop.

Moms In Prayer

Once a week, during the school year, since my oldest daughter was four, I have prayed with a group of moms. When life has been crazy, I can count on this group of faithful women to pray regularly. We pray for our children together, our schools, and our kids’ teachers, coaches, and administrators. I wrote about it HERE.

There is no one way to pray. Just like other friendships, we nurture our relationship with God through consistency, authenticity, and even creativity.

If you are looking for creative ways to change up your routine here are a few ideas:

• Celebrate the answers so you can stay encouraged in your prayer requests.
• Find new scriptures on the same promises to memorize and pray.
• Pray with a friend who can build on your requests with their thoughts and prayers.
• Pray in a different location.
• Journal your prayers. Let the page be a dumping ground for what’s on your mind then write out your prayers addressing your concerns.
• Install a prayer app on your smartphone.
• Take the Joy Dare. It’s like a God scavenger hunt -- 3 gifts to hunt for every day that you can offer up a prayer of thankfulness for.

Don’t let boredom and or a rigid formula in your prayer life can create indifference or distance in your relationship Him. Prayer is simply talking to God. He wants us to get to know Him better by spending time with Him, and there are plenty of creative ways we can to do that.

I’d love to hear about the creative ways you pray!

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 51 The Ways We Pray

Elise Daly Parker, Noelle Rhodes, and I talked about how our prayers have changed over time while in addition to offering encouragement for those who are trying to get “it right.”

How To Add Creativity to Your Life

When the Creator of the Universe made us in His image, He gave us all of us the ability to create. No matter what it is we do with the gifts and talents we’ve been given, creativity takes inspiration, as well as time and intention. 
 
When I was younger, it was easy for me to be creative. I majored in art in high school. I went to college for interior design, graduated, and eventually got a job in my field. Creative people surrounded me. 
 
But, when I became a stay at home mom that all changed. I became busy with taking care of little ones, and I no longer spent time with people that valued creativity, at least not in the everyday. I continued to have new ideas but rarely saw them come to life. I found it incredibly frustrating that art wasn’t happening for me organically. I even began to wonder if art mattered. Eventually, I realized that if I was going to use the gifts God gave me, I had to be intentional about using them. 
 
You may be thinking, “I am not creative.” But that is not true. 
 
Creativity has a broader meaning than the traditional understanding of art. 
 
For me, art is drawing, writing, and designing my environment. For my husband, it’s creating spreadsheets and processes to bring order to his department’s finances. For my kids, it’s cooking, knitting, and building complex worlds on their favorite video game. 
 
We were all made to create.
 
Gradually, I establish a rhythm that allowed for creativity in my life. Now Sabbath is the day I craft or do projects I’ve found on Pinterest. However, I don’t just save my creatively for one day. I build time into my daily tasks to bring imagination to them. I don’t rush through podcast topic research or social media graphic creation anymore. I also fight the tendency to stay busy all the time, if not physically then mentally because I get my best ideas when I shower, while doing the dishes, or folding the laundry. 
 
If you think you're ready to let creativity flow in your life, here where to start:
 
Leave the “I wish…” pity party. There will be some seasons that are easier than others to pursue creative endeavors. However, you can’t stay in a place of thinking, “I’ll get to it when_____________ (fill in the blank). “ or “I don’t have the time to ___________.” 
 
Value the gift to create enough to make it a part of your life. Set aside time in your schedule to create. Build extra time into the work you do to go the extra mile and give it your personal touch. Make space to look at things that inspire you - magazines, art, Pinterest, or nature. Print the directions, buy the supplies, and carve out minutes to make that thing you love. Sign up for a class or workshop; it will force you to make it a priority.  
 
Be bored. Resist the urge to stay busy all the time. Allow your mind to wonder. Some of the best ideas are conceived in the “in between.” Take time to observe nature and people watch. Have a pen and ready to jot down or ideas or maintain a note in your favorite productivity app on your phone.
 
The biggest lie I’ve had to overcome is that a paycheck needs to be attached to what I do for it to have value. The truth is when I bring artistry to my daily responsibilities it makes my family feel loved. When I produce well thought out content and resources for my readers and listeners, it helps them. When I bring originality to the committee, I chair it inspires others and ultimately benefits the organization I am helping. 
 
To steward the gifts I have been given well, I must be creative. 

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 49 Five Steps to Live More Creatively
 
Join Elise Daly Parker, Kimberly Coyle and me as we talk about what we’ve learned about the art and discipline of writing, plus the five steps Kimberly takes to live more creatively.

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Additional Resources on Creativity:

A Million Little Ways: Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live by Emily P. Freeman

Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art by Madeleine L'Engle

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield

The Art of Work: A Proven Path to Discovering What You Were Meant to Do by Jeff Goins

How to Give Power to Your Values

My husband and I created a family mission statement, then wrote it out in beautiful fonts on a chalkboard and hung it in our foyer. It took quite a bit of soul-searching and discussion, but it was worth the effort. We felt empowered and excited about what the future held for us as a family. But then we got busy (again) and defaulted to behaviors that were easy and convenient and not necessarily ones that represented our values.

If your values and behaviors don’t align, family members and outsiders will notice. It will be clear to them you don’t practice what you preach. 

This is not surprising because everything I’ve learned about organizational culture says that just knowing your values is not enough. You can say you stand for something, but unless you translate those values into behaviors, you will go about your days continuing with habits that are familiar and comfortable.

Words like creativity, integrity, and efficiency are just nouns or abstractions. You may have a general understanding of what they mean, but what do they look like practically?

Once you have discovered your values, there are steps you can take to intentionally make them a part of your life.  

This matters to me most as a parent. When I tell my kids to do things in excellence (one of our family’s values), they may not know what it means. Even if they understand that word, they may think it means something entirely different than I do. If I've already decided what precisely what excellence means to me I can say, “I’d like you to clean your room with excellence. Please complete the task promptly and thoroughly.” They know what I expect.

When you create practices around your values they come to life.

They become:

1.     Actionable – It can be acted upon

2.     Repeatable  - It can be done over and over again.

3.     Observable – Others will notice.

4.     Measurable – You and others can gauge the success of it in your life. 

Here’s how to empower your values:

For each of your values, create 3-5 statements, with an emphasis on the verbs, on how you’d like to see that value show up in your life. It will look different for our family then it does for yours.

For example, let’s consider generosity, also one of our top 5 values. My husband and I decided what that word means to us. Notice the verbs highlighted.

“Our family lives within our means. We do not spend more than we earn.”

“Our family budgets money to give 15% of our income away. 10% to our church and 5% to other causes that are important to us, such as school and church food, clothing, or toy drives.”

“Cook or purchase a meal for people in our community that have a baby, lose a family member, or who are struggling.”

“Host meetings or gatherings in our home as needed.” 

These are behaviors we can teach, coach, measure, and celebrate.

 Other expressions include:

“Practice…”

“Be fanatical about…”

“Assume…”

As parents, you can build systems or develop incentives around these practices which is essential in training your children. As an individual or a couple, you can identify if you've intentionally incorporated your values into your life. 

Write these practices down where they can frequently be referenced. Creating culture is primarily a teaching function. That means that these methods should be taught, coached, and celebrated over and over again until they become habits.

Be flexible and revisit these practices often. It is unlikely that over time your values will change, however how you live them out will. In the early years of your career, success may look different when you have little ones. Or once when your kids have grown, and you downsize your home the ways you live out hospitality will probably look different.

Don't get discouraged if it takes time for your value practices to become habits. It may take time to work them into your life if you are busy and do things in a certain way. Also, give yourself grace when there are other people involved such as family members. Over time, as you take consistent steps that point to what is important to you and your family you will create a unique family culture ..

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Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.

Also,for more on the topic listen to:

Episode 048 Empowering Your Values

Join Elise Daly Parker, Noelle Rhodes, and me as we talk about how to turn our values into simple practices that are actionable, repeatable, observable, and measurable.

How to Get Rid of a Negative Self Image and Make Peace with our Bodies

Many of us struggle with body image issues. It doesn't help that our society puts a lot of emphasis on how we should look, how we should feel, and what we should eat. As a result, we concentrate more on what others think than on what really matters to us.  

In the post How to Crush Comparison in Your Life, I shared how I’ve struggled with body comparison. I think my thighs are a little too big and I wish my boobs were a bit bigger. I eventually realized no matter what I eat and how much I run I am never going to look like the women in magazines. Even at my lowest weight, I wish my body would look different.

My negative body image didn’t go away with diet, exercise, or obtaining the “right” number on the scale. Plus, what I thought about myself was inconsistent. When I regularly worked out and felt connected to my body through the things I love to do, I felt good. But when I missed a week, or two, or three, I’d feel bad and look at my body with disgust.

I discovered that…

Our belief about our bodies has so little to do with our actual bodies, and so much more to do with our perception of ourselves. << Click to Tweet

In order to change what we believe about ourselves, we have to rethink the way you think! The Bible says to ”take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) This simply means that when you have a negative thought you choose to stop it in its tracks and replace it with truth. In this case, the truth of what God says about your body. Not just once or twice but every time those thoughts try to creep into your mind.

God calls us to His truth and wants us to see ourselves as He sees us. Accepting a distorted body image is the same as believing a lie about ourselves. >> Click to Tweet

For example:

The lie:

If I only looked like ___________________, I would be _________________.

The truth:

I am fearfully and wonderfully made! 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:13-16

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This will help!

Download these Biblical affirmations about your body and who God created you to be.

Send me Biblical Body Affirmations!

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When we become free from a negative self-image we can:

• Pass this freedom along to our daughters. The things you say and do are seen by your children. Even when we think they aren’t paying attention they are. I can tell my daughters to embrace who God created them to be, body and all, but if I make a fuss every time I put a bathing suit on they’ll notice.

• Have confidence and enjoy ourselves more.

• Serve others. When you no longer focus on yourself and the way you look you can serve others well.

In addition to refusing the idea that you have to look a certain way to have worth or value, consider trying a few of these things as you make peace with your body:

Have grace for yourself and the season you are in. If you just had a baby, are recovering from an injury, or are working extra hours in a new job give yourself grace. Seasons may change but what God thinks about you and His love for you will not.

Find a workout that makes you feel good — not one that promises “results.” Find an exercise that gets you moving. Hiking, dance, yoga, running, swimming? Choose physical activities that feed your soul rather than ones that drain your joy.

Stop comparing. Only a tiny, tiny percent of the population looks the models we see in movies, TVs, and magazine ads. So why compare? Most of the images you’ve seen have been Photoshopped anyway.

Don’t go on a diet, but rather make changes to your diet. Examine how and why you eat. Is it out or boredom, to procrastinate, or relax? Also look for an imbalance in your diet such as meat, cheese, and bread as a go-to meal. I’ve discovered I feel healthier, stronger, and have more energy when my diet has an emphasis on plant-based food.   

Take inventory of who you spend time with and what is coming out of your mouth. When you spend time with people who complain about their bodies you’ll find yourself doing the same. In Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” The words you hear and speak matter. To successfully reject the lies you’ve believed about your body, you’ll need to change the conversations you are having.

Clean out your closet and buy only things that already fit. Clothing can make you feel good but not if it’s too big or too small. Don’t keep clothing that you hope will you’ll eventually fit you. In rare occasions, it may motivate you to get healthy but mostly it just serves as an ideal that you to strive for rather than resting in your true value and worth in Christ.  

Give your body the rest it needs. When your body gets the rest it needs it will thrive at the capacity it was created for. Get between 7-9 hours of sleep and regularly observe the Sabbath.

Much like crushing comparison, we can make peace with our bodies when we refuse the lies that culture feeds us. The steps above will help you with that. As you do them over and over again they will become habits that will add joy to your life and give you the energy you need to live the live God created you to live.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 47 Making Peace with Our Bodies

Join Elise Daly Parker, Kimberly Coyle and me as we talk about the things that bring us to life and connect us with our bodies. We’re also sharing some things that we do to promote make peace with our bodies.

How to Make the Most of Summer

I love the summer. And as the days get warmer, I start to build lists and create expectations for the months ahead will bring. In my mind, I have endless time and resources to do what I want to do. However, my reality is slightly different than what I have conjured up in my head. September 1st rolls around and home projects are left undone, bucket lists incomplete, and I have a list of friends I never connected with.

I hope to change that this year. I am going to:

• Be intentional with my time. Work hard and play hard.

• Learn from past mistakes and make a plan.

• Lower my expectations of what is possible.

I want to look back on my summer with pleasant memories that are not tainted by disappointment.

Here are some suggestions for how to make the most of the summer:

DON’T

Volunteer for everything.

INSTEAD

Consider your values before taking on anything new this summer. During the school year, I chair a committee that lines up with my family's values. As a result, I can confidently surrender the need to say ‘yes’ to everything else throughout the school year. The summer is no different.

DON”T

Create the perfect summer bucket list and schedule every activity on it.

INSTEAD

Consider an alternative to the Summer Bucket list. Choose a few activities or maybe even just one to focus on each month. Ideas include:

• Buy a snow cone machine and syrup have friends over on Frozen Fridays.

• Host a Summer Movie Series in your backyard. Choose four movies and four dates. Let friends know the details, tell them to bring a blanket or lawn chair. Set up a video projector and screen. Provide popcorn, drinks, and glow sticks.

• Investigate the best ice cream shops in your area and once a week try a new one. Rate each one and share your reviews with friends.

• Set up a backyard game that's available to play when the mood strikes.

DON’T

Reorganize your basement...and your attic...and your garage.

INSTEAD

Pick one job and tackle it with excellence. If you have projects that must get done:

• Save smaller jobs for rainy days

• Break up the larger ones into multiple days using small pockets of time consistently.

• Enlist the help of all family members so the jobs get done faster.

DON”T

Demand your kids do tons of school work and track their time with charts and graphs.

INSTEAD

Find fun ways to learn. Summer slide is a real thing, but I’ve failed numerous times at having my kids complete the grade-specific workbooks. What’s worked for us:

• Read, read, read. By the pool, at the beach, or snuggling on a rainy day.

• Listen to audiobooks on the go.

• Attend free programs at the library such as author visits, scavenger hunts, and game days.

• Participate in an online program such as Brain Chase. It combines school work with a real live treasure hunt. (This one saved me big time by keeping track of what my kids were doing so I didn’t have to.)

DON”T

Feel guilty about not giving your kids the time of their life.

INSTEAD

Appreciate the simple joys of summer.

• Be a tourist in your area, plan a few day trips.

• Take regular walks together.

• Eat your meals outside.

DON’T

Throw all your routines out the door.

INSTEAD

Make appointments for the things that matter to you but leave margin in your day for impromptu gatherings or outings.

DON’T

Be so focused on the WHAT of summer that you forget the WHO.

INSTEAD

Focus on connecting with others. You will experience a more fulfilling summer when you make the people in your life a priority.

• Put down your smartphone and have a conversation with your neighbor or the person sitting next to you at the pool.

• Invite your child’s friend’s parents over so you can finally get to know them.

• Call a friend to see how they are doing. Summer can be a lonely time for some as school volunteering, sports, and the other commitments that allowed you to see them comes to a halt.

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My friend and life coach Elise Daly Parker offers a challenge for us:

Using a timer, take 10 minutes and dump your summer to-do list on a piece of paper. Then choose your top 3 priorities and make those your goals in the area of home, entertainment, and family for this upcoming summer.

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Looking for more on Summer? Here are some other posts on this topic:

• 5 Feelings Every Mom Goes Through During The Summer And How To Cope by Carey Bailey

• 6 Ways to Survive the Summer Juggle by Diana Jones for Circles of Faith

• You Lied, Summer. You Lied! By Noelle Rhodes for Circles of Faith

Episode 46 Summer Dos and Don'ts

Building on the conversation we have last June on the podcast, Elise, Noelle, and I have gathered to talk about what we have learned in summers past and how to make the most of the summer this year.

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 {This post contains links and references to products and services that may have affiliates, sponsorships, or other business relationships. Living in the Sweet Spot may receive compensation from referrals or sales actions. Thank you for your support! }

A Letter to My Summer Self on How to Get it Right This Year

This time last year on the podcast we talked about having realistic summer expectations. While the sound quality wasn’t great (it was one of our first shows) the content was. I managed to get a thing or two right last summer but failed in many other ways too.

If I were to write a letter to my summer self, based on my experience last year, it would go something like this.

Listen to your own advice! Lower your expectations of how much work, writing, and home organization you can get done. The summer will not be a total waste! But be realistic about what you are capable. Most things you want to do, you don’t do well in the cracks. Plan to do work when your kids are in camp or out with friends. Be intentional about how you use those morning hours before the kids get up too. You might have another hour or so once they’re awake to finish something but for the most part, they want your attention. Maximize your time together. Later in the early evening, when they head outside and connect with friends you’ll have some extra time.

Oh, and that first week the kids are off of school, you can not continue to do business as usual. If you try to do things as if nothing’s changed, you will be frustrated. Trust God with your time and effort and ask Him to multiply it.  

Maintain your non-negotiables; they’ll anchor your days and weeks. And be careful to make choices that are rooted in your values. The decisions you make do not need to be the same as other moms. Fight comparison and do YOU well.

Raise your expectations of connecting with your kids. They still want to do things with you. Schedule your day trips ahead of time. Don’t be afraid to ask friends to join you. Yes, people are busy during the summer, but I bet there’s another mom who’d love to tag along with her kids.

Don’t be afraid to get your hair wet. Go in the pool, have a water balloon fight, or run through the sprinkler with thyour kids. Those are the times they will remember, not how beautifully straight your hair looked as you sat in the shade and watched them play.

Don’t spend so much time focusing on the WHAT of summer that miss out on the WHO of summer. Visit the grandparents. They will love it, and you won’t have to cook! They live close, so you don’t have an excuse.

School and sports make it easy to connect with others. That all goes away for two months, so you’ll need to be intentional if you want to see people. As an extrovert, this will be essential to your well being.

Sabbaths are still a gift in July and August. Even if you’re having fun with your kids at the beach or at the pool, you are still mothering. And mothering takes work and patience and unconditional love. You’re keeping them safe, meeting their needs, and shaping their character. Create a rhythm of rest that allows you to take a break from this and connect with God but also pursue the things that feed your soul. Don’t feel guilty. You are a better woman, wife, and mother when you do.

You will not have the perfect summer, and that is okay. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, but there will also be ones that exceed your expectation. You can’t control your children’s behavior when they tired, hot, and hungry but with God’s grace, you can control yours.

The only thing you can count on over the next couple of months is that God cares about that little girl inside you that can’t wait for summer and hopes that it will be the “best ever.” He cares about your days and will watch over them and guide you if you let Him.  

This letter will come in handy over the next few months as I make choices that shape our summer.

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Try this!

Write a letter to your summer self with some advice on how to navigate the upcoming months well.  
Think back to last summer. What were some of the highs and lows?  Are there things you loved? Remind yourself what they were, so you can do them again. Are there some days that disappointed you? Think of ways to do them differently this year.

Why Boundaries on Social Media Matters

Ever walk into your living room and notice that everyone is on their cell phones or iPad? They’re either texting a friend, checking email, or scrolling through social media. If they aren’t on their device, it's within arm’s reach so that when it vibrates, chimes, or rings they can immediately grab it. It can be so frustrating!

I love my smartphone and the access to information that it gives me. There are so many good things about them and social media, but there’s also a downside.

As parents, it is important for us to understand the impact of technology on our children because they are the first generation to not know a life without it. Besides not being present, constant interaction with our devices prevents us from developing necessary life skills.

I want my children to:

Form deep meaningful relationships. Texts and emails have made it easy to maintain superficial relationships. My kids need to practice the skills necessary for real friendship such as making eye contact while listening and confronting others when their feelings are hurt. Communicating through a direct message on Instagram doesn’t provide this.

Cope with stress in a healthy way. Using a device to deal with stress only offers temporary relief. Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) When kids keep busy to numb grief, sadness, and pain, they miss out on real comfort and rest available through Christ. Plus, they won’t experience the range of emotions necessary to develop empathy and compassion.

Experience the reward that comes from working long, hard, and consistently on something. If children become conditioned to expect immediate results, they will not develop the drive to persevere in a relationship, project, or new business. Entitlement will creep in and eventually they may only do what comes easily to them.

Engage fully in life rather than be a spectator. If every time my teens get together with friends or go out to eat they are focused on capturing every picture perfect moment they will miss out on the experience itself.

My kids aren’t the only ones vulnerable to smartphone and social media misuse. I am just as susceptible as they are. That’s because the internet, social media, and texting provide instant gratification. When we receive the thing we desire our body releases dopamine, a chemical in our brain that causes us to seek more and more pleasure, which throws us into a looping in a cycle of behavior.

If you think it’s time to put boundaries on social media and technology in your home here are some suggestions:

Pray. This is the best place to start. One you have recognized unhealthy patterns, ask God for wisdom on how to proceed.

Identify how you use technology. Is your phone the first thing you grab in the morning and the last thing you put down at night? Are you using it to cope with stress or keep busy? Is it replacing face to face relationships?  Do you panic when you forget your phone at home?

Get real-time data on how you are using it. It’s safe to say that many of us don’t realize how much time we actually use our devices. Flurry and eMarketer’s reports that adults (18+) spend about 4 hours, 40 minutes on our mobile phones every day. Some reports say teens spend a 'mind-boggling' 9 hours a day using media. Having real data, specific to you and your family will shed light on this. Our family uses Circle from Disney which not only allows us to put filters on our wifi, create time limits, but tracks time spent online and on specific apps and sites.

Discuss the impacts of technology on your family. Start off the conversation with your children by empowering them. Ask they what they think about your cell phone usage. How does it make them feel when their friends are on their phones during playdates? We will be asking those types of questions at our next family retreat.

Set boundaries. The guidelines you put in place should be based on your family's unique culture and values. If your children are old enough, ask them for suggestions. When family members are involved in making decisions they are more likely to abide by the rules and take ownership of their behavior.

As you begin to shift your focus off technology and onto relationships, you will see positive changes in our home. Less technology will allow for margin on our day. That extra time will not only enable us to connect with one another, but it will foster creativity and innovation.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 45 Elisa Pulliam on Breaking Social Media and Screen Addiction

Join us and special guest, Elisa Pulliam, as we talk about social media, why it’s contributing to miscommunication and misunderstanding among generations. and how we can overcome it.

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Additional resources:

• Seven Strategies for Navigating Screens and Social Media with Tweens and Teens by Elisa Pulliam at More to Be

Interview:

• Simon Sinek on Millennials in the Workplace - YouTube

Posts:

• Social and Screens: Are we really addicted? by Elisa Pulliam at More to Be
• Breaking Our Social Media and Screen Addiction by Elisa Pulliam for The Better Mom
• Five Tips for Helping Teens Manage Technology from The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley

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 {This post contains links and references to products and services that may have affiliates, sponsorships, or other business relationships. Living in the Sweet Spot may receive compensation from referrals or sales actions. Thank you for your support! }

How to Start Something Well

Have you ever wanted to start something new but felt overwhelmed? Wondered if you have the time or the ability to see your ideas come to life? I know I have, and in the past, I’ve let it discourage me.

I had a growing list of ideas. And when I would see a friend or colleague accomplish something, and I’d think, “I wish that could be me.” I desperately wanted to do something well.

My dear friend and fellow writer Kimberly Coyle wrote a post called One Small Way to Steward Your Life Well. In it, she talks about how easy it is to fall into the trap of now and encourages her readers to dream, plan, and read their ideas into being. She reminds us to live in the present but also to plan well for the future. Her post challenged me to consider what it actually means to steward my ideas, desires, and talents and consider what it takes to start something well.

Instead of comparing myself to others, I began to value my ideas and the small steps I was taking towards the desires of my heart.

When I first decided I want to start a podcast, I was managing the editorial calendar for Circles of Faith, while saying yes to too many things in my community. My schedule was a mess, and as a result, I neglected the creative work I wanted to do, including writing.

I tried to shake the idea of podcasting but I couldn’t. Instead, I started listening to a ton of other podcasts. I tried to figure out which ones I liked best and why I liked them. I took note of format and frequency. I even listened to podcasts on how to podcast. All the while fighting the urge that I was wasting my time because I had no room in my life to start something new.

This went on for a full year. Thinking about the possibilities led to a plan and eventually small steps that allowed my co-hosts and me to launch our show.

As I look back now, I can see that when the idea first came to me, I wasn’t ready. I had yet to determine my non-negotiables and discover my values. Not only that, saying yes to the podcast meant saying no to other things which I hadn’t anticipated. When I finally had the time and the team to take Circles of Faith in a new direction, I was prepared! The small steps I took over the previous year were not wasted.

If you have a dream, interest, or an idea you can start pursuing it right now!

Here are six steps you can take to start something well:

1. Meet with smart people. Find someone that has knowledge in your area of interest. Ask questions. Listen. Thanks to technology this can be done in person and online. Facebook groups are one of the best places to exchange ideas and learn from those who have gone before you know. For writers, my favorite is Hope*Writers. 
2. Read books that push your thinking. I love motivational books that encourage me but also challenge me to think differently. They’re what got me started on the journey of intentional living many years ago. With audio books, I can “read” twice as much. They are available through Audible or on Overdrive, which can be accessed through your local library.
3. Learn about your niche. There is no shortage of information online. TED Talks, Q ideas, podcasts, and e-courses will help you learn about anything. Take notes to write down important points, then when the time is right, translate your key points into action.
4. Gather ideas. You can research and collect ideas long before you are ready to implement your ideas or start your hobby. Brainstorm your thoughts in a Bullet Journal, accumulate magazine clippings in a file folder, or pin blog posts in Pinterest.
5. Share what you have learned with someone you trust. The community is invaluable with it comes to encouragement and support. Tell a friend who will help you in your ideas. They don’t need to necessarily have the same interests as you, just be willing to cheer you on.
6. Make Time Make appointments with yourself to do the steps I mentioned above.Get up early, stay up late, or take a break in the middle of the day to pursue your interests. Small consistent effort over time will yield greater and more satisfying results than occasional grand efforts.

Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle or end. It’s the quickest way to get discouraged. Take the time you need to lean into your interests and ideas and allow them to take root in you so that they can grow over time.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Slices of Life Episode 044 How to Start Something Well

Elise, Kimberly, and I share the things we are doing now that started off as a tiny idea. We also go in depth about the small steps we took that yielded big results.  

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Additional Resources

• The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
• Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
• #GirlBoss by Sophia Amoruso
• I Know How She Does it: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time It by Laura Vanderkam
• You're Made for a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has for You by  Holley Gerth

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 {This post contains links and references to products and services that may have affiliates, sponsorships, or other business relationships. Living in the Sweet Spot may receive compensation from referrals or sales actions. Thank you for your support! }

How to Crush Comparison in Your Life

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick

I hate the ugly game of comparison, yet more often than I would like to admit I find myself playing it.

As women, we have a tendency to size ourselves up, measure someone else by your own standards only to conclude after observation and the collection of a few facts that we’re inferior or superior to them. It’s awful. It keeps us from being our best selves and enjoying the life we’ve been given.

Whether we feel better or worse about ourselves after the comparison, it rarely leads to humility, which pleases God. Not only that, comparison robs us of joy and wastes precious energy that could otherwise be used to serve the people that in our life.

I have struggled most with body comparison. No matter what I eat and how much I run I am never going to look like the women in magazines. At my lowest weight, I still think my thighs are a little too big. Plus, I wouldn’t mind my boobs to be a little bit bigger.

I also have compared my social status with others. When I see friends on social media having “the time of their lives” vacationing or dining out together, I wonder if I’ll ever have relationships like they do.

Some of the other ways we compare ourselves includes:

• How “put-together” you are - our home, meals, kids

• Marriage – “I wish my husband sent me flowers for no reason.”

• Stage of life - “If only my kids were bigger and out of diapers I could ______________.”

• Money – “Must be nice.”

There are many benefits of not comparing ourselves with others. They include:

Excellence – You no longer waste your time thinking about someone else, which allows you to do YOU well. You spend your time and energy living out your values, following your dreams, and being who God created you to be.

Contentment  - You can enjoy the life and the people you have been given. There is peace that accompanies all you do because you are satisfied.  That’s doesn’t mean that your life is perfect; it just means that it is yours and you own it.

Humility – God can work with a humble heart. He can teach you, shape your character, and lead you in life.

Stability – Applying the truth of God’s Word to the measuring stick of comparison frees you of the whims of your emotions and insecurities.

For a while, I gave up going on social media assuming that was the problem. I stopped looking at fashion magazines and spent less time at the pool. I thought if only I weren't exposed to the ________________, I wanted to have, I wouldn’t feel so crumby. But that only worked for a little while.

Eliminating the trigger will not solve the problem, a heart change will. The key is to allow God’s truth, about who you are in Him, to sink deep down into our heart. Also, there are some bad habits we can break and as well new ones we can create. Both the spiritual and practical go hand in hand in eliminating the tendency to compare.

Here are some of the way we can crush comparison in our lives:

Speak to yourself. The Bible says to ”take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) This simply means that when you have a negative thought, you have a choice to entertain that thought or stop it in its tracks and replace it with truth.  Not just once or twice but every time those thoughts try to creep into your mind.

Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) You are a child of God and you are loved. It has nothing to do with what you accomplish, what you look like, who you know, or how much money you make.

Realize we all have different strengths and weaknesses. A personality test like Myers-Briggs or the Enneagram confirms that not everybody is the same. We are wired differently and have different strengths. Therefore we have different reciprocal weaknesses. Yes, you can work on your weakness, but it’s more important to lean into and steward your strengths.    

Seek out objective criteria that personally define success for you.  When you compare yourself to others, who are living out of their values, especially when they are different than yours, you are literally using different units of measure. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. What do success, community, and generosity look like for you? Does your life reflect your values?

Appreciate more. Express gratitude. Intentionally appreciate what you have and who you are. An excellent practice is to read scriptures on thanksgiving and write down 2-3 things that you are grateful for in a journal. Also, make a point to appreciate and cheer on the person you are tempted to compare yourself. I bet you they could use the encouragement.

Own Your Story (Romans 12:5-8 ) Don’t underestimate the value of the plot line God has given you and look for Him it.  Where has God stepped in to rescue and redeem you? Where has He been faithful? What have you learned from your ups and downs?

The steps above will help you fight comparison. As you do them over and over again, they will become habits that will add joy to your life and give you the energy you need to serve and encourage others in their journey.  

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For more on the topic listen to:

Slices of Life Podcast, Episode 43 How to Crush Comparison in Your Life

Elise Daly Parker, Noelle Rhodes, and I recently had a great conversation on the topic. We talked about the areas we get stuck and our experience in overcoming comparison. 

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Looking for more on comparison? Here are some other great resources on this topic:

• Without Rival: Embrace Your Identity and Purpose in an Age of Confusion and Comparison by Lisa Bevere

• Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval and Seeing Yourself through God's Eyes by Jennifer Dukes Lee

• Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst

• You Are Free: Be Who You Already Are by Rebekah Lyons

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Simple Ways To Spend Time with Your Kids

When my kids were little I spent a lot of time with them. I fed them, clothed them, bathed them, put them to bed, and before I knew it, it was time to do it all over again. Besides just taking care of their basic needs I went on play dates with them and took them to the park. Then on the weekends, when my husband wasn’t working, we did things together as a family.

As the kids got older, they became busy with school, sports, and activities. What we did together looked like getting everyone where they needed to be. It was all a very normal and healthy transition, but I quickly realized I needed to find ways more meaningful ways to spend time with my children. Plus, as their interests diverged, I saw the need to connect with them one on one.

Just like any relationship, the one with your child will benefit greatly from intention and consistency. << Tweet This

With just a bit of planning, the way we spent time together has changed. Instead of relying on connection here and there I schedule regular dates with my kids, just like I would with my husband or a friend. I decided spending time together was important to me so I made appointments on my calendar to do it. This allowed to me make sure each child gets the time and attention they need plus I could be sure there are no favorites played or the misconception of it.

Here are some simple ways I spend time with my kids:

Have a meal together. Everyone needs to eat, right? Each month, I pick up each of my kids up from school and take them to lunch. Their lunch and recess are back to back which gives us enough time to eat a packed lunch at a local park, or grab a piece of pizza, or a soup and sandwich at a local restaurant. Sometimes we’ll even do breakfast or lunch on a weekend to change it up.

Run errands together. Think dry cleaning, bank deposits, or car wash. My daughter comes with me each week to pick up the groceries. The ride there and back provides a great opportunity to talk, plus I appreciate her help.

Start a club together. Options include, books, crafts, and games. My oldest daughter loves to cook; so few years back we started a cooking club. We spend time picking out recipes and setting up together. The bonus is I get to hang out will her friends and get to know them better too. This has provided an amazing opportunity to mentor the girls as they head into their teen years.

Read a book together. As my kids became independent readers I was tempted to give this one up but I’m glad I didn’t. Reading with each of them looks different. Right now, my son and I snuggle before bed and take turns reading chapters from the mystery Lock and Key. I just finished the “big kid” picture book Bard of Avon with my youngest daughter and son. Once a week, my two girls and I are read Graceful together and discuss each chapter as we go along. My oldest daughter and I listen to YA audiobooks independently and then talk about it when I tuck her in at night.

Go for a run or walk together. Once the weather gets warmer and the days get longer we tend to be outside more. A morning run or a quick walk around the block after dinner combines a bit of exercise with time to connect.

There is nothing extraordinary about any of the things on my list, they’re all pretty basic. The most important thing is the planning and consistency. My kids were able to count on me to spend time with them because I put it in my planner and do my best to stick to, I don’t leave it up to chance.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 39 Making Time for Your Kids

Relationships thrive with intentionality! In previous episodes we’ve talked about making time for our friends, our spouse, now we're talking about how to make time for our kids. We're not talking about the kind of time where you drive your kids where have to be, or time spent watch their sporting events, or band concerts, or even volunteering at their school. We're talking about real relationship and connection.

How to Identify Your Values and Improve Your Life

Naming your non-negotiables is a great start to living an intentional life.

I mentioned in a previous post that, “It takes practice to make your non-negotiables a part of your every day but it is worth the effort, especially when they are rooted in your values”.

At first, you might think you need to identify your core values before you determine your non-negotiables, but I don’t think that is true. Your non-negotiables are absolutely an expression of your values. However, it’s easy to figure out what makes you happy at the end of the day when accomplished or what bums you out when not.

Values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. Your values are the why of how you live and what you do.  

Your personal values are a central part of who you are and even who you want to be.

Even if you have not taken the time to identify those values, I guarantee that are at work in your life, you just may not have noticed. When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life will be good. That doesn’t mean that your circumstances are perfect, however, there will be an undercurrent of satisfaction and contentment.

You may be asking, “If my values already show up in the way I live my life, why should I bother identifying them?” Knowing your values and intentionally honoring them in your life will give you a sense of purpose. Also, the better you know yourself and what you believe the more you will be able to espouse that value. When a situation arises, you will already know how you are going to respond, you won’t have to think. You can immediately go to your core value system. You’re prepared.

I was a bit overwhelmed when first asked to list my core values. In fact, I put off doing the “homework” my life coach sent me on the topic. I was over thinking it and was afraid I would get it wrong. But I pushed through, got the input of people close to me, and believe it or not, I wasn’t surprised with what I came up with. My values related to the things I was known for and talked about most often.

Here are some simple steps you can take to identify your core values:

1. Answer the following questions:

• When are you most fulfilled and satisfied? Find examples from both your career and personal life.

• When you're having your best day what characteristics are present in you?

2. Identify the values that are the most important to you.

A quick search on Google can help you find a list similar to the one I used.  Select as many as you’d like. Remember, all of the values listed are great, however, it’s important to identify the ones that are most important to you.

3. For greater perspective, ask your spouse or a close friend what they would list as your core values.

Often I can’t see the obvious or I second-guess myself based on insecurities. Many times friends and family can see patterns in our life we haven’t noticed. Be open to what they share. The responses you receive can be both affirming and challenging.

4. Now go back through your list and select your top five to seven.

If you are having trouble, rate each value on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest. If you have two values that have the same rank, ask yourself, "If I could satisfy only one of these, which would I choose?"

The list you end up with is your Core Values.

Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to listen to this episode of The Family Culture Project.

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Feeling Overwhelmed? Don't worry! 

I have created a Core Values Kit that will walk you through the process. You can download it for FREE. 

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Many of life's decisions are really determined by what you value most. For example, how you use your time, the job you take, and how you raise your family are based on it. When you identify your values are and intentionally make them a part of your life you will feel confident that your life is not a result of “going with the flow”. It's both essential and comforting to rely on your values and use them as a guiding force to point you in the right direction.

My One Word in the New Year 2017

2016 was a good year for me. I am slow in saying that because so much of what has happened in the world at large has been gut wrenching. I admit I don’t watch the news a lot for that very reason. My heart breaks over so many things that divide us. I may not be on the front lines of change but I’ve committed to love the people in my every day and teach my kids what it means to let go of pride and cultivate compassion for the sake of unity.

This past year has included huge personal growth for me. Through intention, I established a habit of Sabbath keeping, finished personal projects, and set boundaries on my time. I also have cultivated relationships I longed to have, completed a home renovation, and embraced the description of work at home mom.

Circles of Faith, the ministry I co-founded with Elise Daly Parker, hosted it’s first all day retreat and transformed from a community blog to a podcast. It was very exciting but there was a lot of letting go and pushing forward that took place.

These successes sound great but I wrestled with doubts and insecurities along the way. I fought for every inch of ground I took.

As I approach 2017, I am ready to be refreshed. As I prayed about the things I would like to be different this year the word RENEW came to me. I immediately thought of the scripture in Romans 12:2.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

My One Word for the New Year is a verb, RENEW.

·      RENEW my faith. I will get back to basics and put God’s Word in my heart through scripture meditation and memorization.

·      RENEW my marriage. I will shed those comfortable habits that prevent intimacy.

·      RENEW my purpose. Whether I write a blog post, tuck my kids into bed at night, drive carpool, host our small group, or produce a podcast, I will do it well and stay focused on my why.

·      RENEW my Sabbath practice. I will prepare for those days and fiercely guard the sacredness of them.

There are a few important projects I am working on this year. However, I want to see renewal in the areas mentioned above more than I want to achieve any one specific goal. I truly believe that if I let my One Word guide me it will help me achieve my goals. The One Word itself does not hold power but the small consistent practices I have associated with it do. 

I am excited for what the New Year holds.  

I am curious to know, do you have a One Word for the New Year or do make resolutions or set goals? I’d love to hear what about your hopes for 2017.